I'm not sure I've ever had a "mixed state", a combination of depression and mania. Maybe this is what it's like visually. Blue, but with some bright lights of excitement as an accent. Usually, I hear from friends that there is some anger mixed in. Not surprising, since an old therapist once remarked "Anger is the antidote to depression" (Mark Robinson).
Whatever state your mind is in today, accept it, rage against it, but be aware of it. Know that it will pass.
4 comments:
My worst case of a mixed state episode consisted of a lot of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts, and caused me to be pretty freaking strong.
Basically I tore apart a room, I went outside and literally chased cars hiting them with my hand. Yes I ended up in handcuffs that day and had a trip to the ER.
That day I was also pretty close to going to someones house and beating the crap out of them. Luckily even when you are out of control you have choice. Plus I've never beaten anyone up so I didn't really want to start then.
I calmed down so I didn't end up in a mental hospital. Or jail.
What I did wrong that day was to not understand that what I was going through would pass. I didn't put things in perspective. I lost control of fear and let the depression get the best of me.
Anger is an antidote to depression but I would recommend exercise instead :)
I'd have to agree with the idea that having a perspective that your moods will pass is helpful. Of course sometimes when your mood is too severe, it may be difficult to recognize this.
It has been my experience that as I've learned to recognize my mood changes earlier on through being more aware of what's happening to me, I'm able to take steps to counteract them before the mood intensifies too much for me to be able to use my more rational mind.
Hey sometimes it just means getting to a safe place even if it means checking into the hospital until the emotional storm blows over.
I think a lot of anger is associated with expectations. When we think things should be a certain way and we perceive they aren't, we get angry or perhaps more accurately our potential to get angry increases. I think if we can get more in touch with what our expectations are, why we have them, what they mean, and what sorts of other options we have, we can feel less trapped and have more freedom.
i love how you use photos to try and express yours posts. i like your attempt here with the blue bridge.
one thing about a mixed episode - i would take full fledged depression or mania over my mixed episodes any day. it just adds confusion and frustration to the insanity.
thank you for your blog. keep it up.
Lisa, I have never heard anyone describe a mixed state so well. It was exactly what I told my pychiatrist. Word for word...Just a little further about anger being the antidote for depression.
I have had bipolar illness for about 35 years, diagnosed about 15 years ago. I know everyone is different and each episode of depression, or mania or mixed state is different even for the same person. In my case, the antidote to depression was not anger. It was part of it. I had some aspects of depression and some of mania (a mixed state). My rage was so intense that I tried to commit suicide three times, almost successfully the last time. I have always considered myself to be a very well adjusted person (despite the illness) and have a very stable family life and wonderful friends. Sometimes these chemical imbalances take over and you are not the same person. I am getting better on new meds.
I feel a lot for people with mood disorders (the invisible disability).
Just thought I would offer my experience! Take care.
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